Meetings

I assume in the real world (since I don't always feel like my job as a teacher exists in the real world) that companies have their employees go to meetings. I think, however, that my school must exists on one of Dante's levels of hell since I am at so many freaking meetings that I am not sure what day of the week it is anymore.

This week alone I have 5 meetings to attend, 4 after school, 3 of those across town from my school. And yet I wonder why I am up at 3am feeling like this is the only time of the day that I am going to get any work done.

Monday's meeting taught me how to resize pictures (duh! I know how to do that). Tuesday's meeting taught me how to use a website that reports all of our scores on our state standardized test. The funny thing about this meeting, most of it was for administrators, but my admin felt it better to send a teacher who doesn't even have half the options they were telling me about. Wednesday's meeting I am sure is going to be about things we as teachers still need to get done in the building (gotta love a faculty meeting). I can hear this one now, follow the discipline plan, make sure you are going over the information on the pink sheet with each of your classes, teacher CAN NOT assign a student IBS, make sure you call parents if their child has zeros in your class and is failing right now....blah, blah, blah......That is why my folder for Wednesday meetings says "Please make the stupid people shut up". I won't even cover up the folder, I leave it out in the open for everyone to see. It is my subtle way of stating how much it bites sitting in another meeting when I could be TUTORING kids, but hey, what was I thinking? My job isn't about the kids it is about appearances. I only need to look like I am helping the kids and the kids only need to look like they are being successful.

Last night while talking to my husband about test scores and how to get them up (school is the topic of choice anytime we can just talk to each other, must be because we are both teachers). It occurred to both of us (as it should to anyone in education) that children can no longer think for themselves. I don't get it. When I was in school (God, I feel old when I say that), we didn't have teachers that "taught to a test". Any Texas teacher knows what this phrase means since we have had TAAS and now TAKS to deal with. Yet I was taught somewhere along the way how to reason through questions on a test and pass with no problem. I am great at standardized tests. Our certification tests as teachers have all been pretty easy for me. It all boils down to critical thinking and reasoning skills. So here is the thing I want to answer and I am not sure how: At what point did teaching change so much that kids can no longer think? I mean that seriously. When did teachers stop making kids learn and just spoon feed them the information? By giving kids the information all the time we have hurt them in my opinion. So, how do you fix it without killing test scores so badly that the state comes in and looks at your school or district? Ummm, things for me to ponder while I get some work done this morning.

I hope everyone has a great day! As my husband tells me: Have a great day, it is the only chance you will get at this one.

Teen Boys

UGH!!!

I am attempting at this moment in time to decide if I need to put a hit out on the boy or just kill my daughter.

Tonight as a treat to me, my husband took me out for Mexican food (I think it is also known as the food of the Gods). Our daughter did not join us at dinner since she has pretty much refused to get her room in some kind of order. I told her I would be happy to buy her dinner and bring it home to her since she "didn't want to eat any of the food that is in the house".

Upon arriving at home, I come in the house to noticed my wonderful greys are not at the door to great me and the back door is standing open air conditioning the entire neighborhood. I call for my daughter and get no answer. I find this a little odd. I step outside thinking she is with my dogs playing. I see her no where and call to her again. Hmmmm, no answer. I start to head to the back gate to the driveway and call her name again. She answers and comes around the corner of the house. I ask what she is doing and she tells me "I was looking at a leaf". Ok, I swear to God I don't have stupid tattooed on my forehead and yet the child just can't seem to remember that I am not STUPID enough to believe that kind of crap. The she mentions she was talking to a boy. Hmmmm, then she tells me the name. Not THE boy that was stalking her over the summer, no no....this is the one she was french kissing 2 years ago when she was in the 7th grade. She says she was talking to him on her phone. Then has to retract that statement when I ask how long he has been at the house. As I check her cell for phone records (I LOVE THAT I CAN DO THAT), I find she called this boy at 6:30 (I am yelling at her at 7:20) and that his dad called her cell phone at 6:58 to have him call home. Hmmmmmm, curiouser and curiouser. What it boils down to is my daughter is hooking up once again with a boy that I don't want her in a relationship with (go figure, right?). She is inviting him to the house when NO ONE is suppose to be at the house when we aren't home and she is lying about what she is up to (Rather badly I might add).

She is not allowed to set foot off the carpet of her bedroom, until I can come up with some better way to punish her. I know for now that the cell phone will be with me whenever she isn't at school and she will have no phone access for a while. As for the boy....I may confront him one more time like I did two years ago. I swear his heart stopped when I told him I wanted to meet him since he was sticking his tongue in my daughter's mouth. Now it seems I need to find a new way to put the fear of God in him!

Superwoman

I had a night of horrible dreams. (David, I know you are use to hearing this from me when I am stressed). I told my cheerleaders my dream this morning at practiced and they thought it would make a GREAT movie or a good Fear Street book. They said I should write it out and sell it and make lots of money. Hmmmm........

Then my day:

Lucky me I got an e-mail today letting me know I was going to have to attend a training next week at our technology center. This has nothing to do with the 2 nights a week I have been giving already to do things I already know how to do. This is something completely new that has been added to my plate. So I have training on Monday from 4:30-6:30 and Tuesday from 4:10 to 5:30, Wednesday lesson planning after school until when ever, and Thursday from 4:30 to 6:30. I am afraid to let anyone know that Friday afternoon I have nothing planned right now.

With all the meetings and things I have to do, I have gotten no grading done. My students have no grades at all to report and the three week progress reports are due next week. At some point I will have to find time to do some grading.

I never even thought I was going to make it out of this day alive. And I feel like the worst parent in the world for having a job that demands 20 extra hours minimum of work a week with no extra pay. My daughter had her first performance tonight for drill team and I didn't get to see it. I talked to her dad and he was able to get out of his training in enough time to make it to her game and see her half time show. He said it looked really good.

Now I am off to figure out what else I need to get done after cleaning up the special surprise my greys left for me today. I guess that bag of treats they ate while we were out last night didn't sit too well with them today. Gotta love when the dogs learn where their treat bags are kept. I think it is time to move them to a high cabinet instead of the bottom of the pantry.

I hope everyone is getting a little peace and rest tonight. Have sweet dreams.

Lessons I learned today

I have learned that you aren't suppose to tell parents the truth. I don't believe this, but apparently at least one of my principals does. I believe the truth is the best thing. Why lie to parents about things happening at the school when it isn't a big deal? I can understand not talking about why a teacher was fired or something like that. But how can a lie be better than the truth when a teacher had to step down as a sponsor so she could attend college classes? Today when I talked to my principal about parents calling wondering what was going on with the 7th grade squad and that I had told them the other sponsor had to step down because of scheduling conflicts, I was told "I don't know if we are going to use scheduling conflicts". Ummmm, did I miss something? Is there a list of reasons for teachers stepping down that we give parents? Is there one that is more PC than the truth? I have also been told recently that we don't want to give the parents of this 7th grade squad the illusion that there is anything wrong. Ummmm, again, HELLO people, the girls needed a new sponsor and have a game in two weeks and haven't had a single practice......I guess I was smokin' some good crack because to me that looks like something is a little wrong. I mean, by all means tell me if I am wrong, but I think I understood things correctly.

Lesson number two was: Don't do anything that might make your principal look bad. The worst part is, I didn't really do anything wrong, but she needs some one to blame and since I am a lowly teacher/cheer sponsor I am going to take the fall on this. WHO knew the rules had changed about how to purchase my girls' uniforms for cheerleading? I guess they did. I had a signed approval and even told my principal I did and yet some how she says I am wrong. Two things I know for sure, I don't make a move to make a purchase without her knowing and the secretary would not have placed the order without her initials on my paperwork. With that said again, the crack is working on me because I MUST be fucking mistaken about her signing the paper that allowed me to place the order with my vendor.

Lesson number three: To be a great leader of people you must be assertive. Now I am not sure what that means or what my lead principal over my department wants, but I am not doing it right. When I asked for more clarity, I was told I had great people skills, but needed to be a better extension of him. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, again I asked can you please explain what you mean and after a good job of dancing around I still have no idea what he really wants from me with my department. I did get that I am not to make everyone happy and that my principal feels I am not comfortable with conflict. Hello, my college professors could have told you that, I couldn't stand confrontational counseling. Why be an ass to people to get what you need from them?? That never works out well, you make the people you work with feel like crap and like they can't do anything right. How does that make a good leader?

Lesson number four: My 16 year old sister is going to be fine, but doesn't come out of anesthesia too well. As a matter of fact it sounds like her and I take it about the same way. Somehow I don't see how throwing up feels to great after having back surgery. I can't wait to see her tomorrow night. I have thought about her all day. I pray she is able to get some rest tonight.

Lesson number five: Some marriages may not just heal like mine did. Tonight I watched an ugly break up of my neighbors. I got pulled into it when he needed someone with the kids. My heart breaks for them right now and I hope that in the end it will all work out. Right now things look rather bleak.

Common Sense

Common sense is a funny thing in a school setting. You would think more people could function with it since we are molding young minds. However I find quite often that common sense doesn't occur to my wonderful administrative staff.

Being a cheerleading sponsor for the last 3 years I have learned a little something about "cheer parents". They like to be informed. Not just a little either, they want to know it ALL. I have learned to keep my parents well informed so they don't fly off the handle and call my principals. That is always bad.

We had a sponsor step down from her position with the 7th grade team due to scheduling conflicts. I hated to lose her since I find her quite amusing and talented. Besides her accent is a trip to listen to. Anyway, I have started practices with my girls (Oh the things I could tell you about the first practice of the year and how much fun (sarcastic tone here) it is to have those girls back with me for an hour or more a couple of days a week). The 7th grade parents have started calling wanting to know why their girls aren't practicing.

Back to the common sense thing......WHY didn't my principals feel the need to call in the 7th grade squad and give the girls a letter to take home and let their parents know about the upcoming changes??? How freaking hard would that be? But no they don't call down the girls and they don't keep the parents informed and I am the one stuck having my phone ringing so I can answer questions my principals should be handling. (I am starting to wonder now why I give out my cell phone number to those parents). No one has told this squad anything. They are all freaking out because it is two weeks until the first football game and their little girls aren't practicing and getting ready. You would think the world was coming to an end. The best part, the principals could have stopped all of this worrying by just calling the girls down and telling them the freaking truth!!!!

*sigh* Another day in middle school.

At least all of this wasn't the worst part of my day. I think it was harder being in a classroom with 30 kids and no AC on a 100 degree day.

Here is to hoping tomorrow is much better :-)

Ahhh, Friday

Until this morning I had forgotten how GREAT a Friday can be. I woke up, knowing I was going to slide into my jeans (I think that is what makes Fridays a holy day for me when school is in session). I know that today I won't have to talk a lot which is nice. Fridays are my team's test day so the kids will be taking a quiz over procedures today and then working on a notebook cover. I might actually get some of my paperwork done while they are doing this :-)

Happy Friday all!!!

It was a waste

Well the day wasn't a complete waste, but my training after school was. I already knew pretty much everything they "taught" me tonight. It bites that I have to sit through training on something I already know how to do or else they won't give me the money for a job I was dong anyway!!! With that said, I learned how to create image links in HTML (UMMMM, freaking duh!!!) and I learned about how to do a web link for the school's webpage. I am sure there are people who are Master Trainers that have never used a computer and have no idea how to do HTML, but I have a problem with sitting in training for something I have been doing for over 5 years already. Of course I did a GREAT job tonight, I kept my mouth shut. I just checked in occasionally to make sure I didn't missed anything important, then went back to working on my personal website for my students. Our trainer even mentioned the crappy parent connection teacher webpages we have and how it is nice for the teachers to be able to put information on those pages for the parents. I agree with her, but the program my district uses sucks!! You would think with a district that is advanced in technology (well that is what they tell me), they could have a better system for teacher webpages. I also would like to add that since the gradebook system has gone online for our district we have been hearing that parents will be allowed to go in and look at their child's grades so they can keep up with how little Johnny is doing in class. Has that happened yet??? NO! But at teacherweb, where I have created and paid for (out of my own pocket) a website for my students. I can type in their grades and mom and dad can go to that site and type in their child's id and see how they are doing in my class. Ok, the one down fall of me using this feature is that I will have to actually get grades in the computer more than twice a six weeks. But you know, it is still cool that SOMEWHERE technology is advanced enough to be helpful to teachers and parents. Too bad my district won't look in to teacherweb for the whole district. I think they are more concerned about being able to monitor everything we are doing than to find a program that is easy to use and contains the features we need in this district.

Ok.....stepping off my technology soap box and going to bed.

Adventures in weight loss

Tonight I chose to use my no weigh in pass for the first time since joining Weight Watchers. It was really hard to do that. I felt so guilty about not getting on the scale that I had them weigh me anyway. I was up 4.6 pounds! Holy Cow!! I have no idea where that came from. I stayed within my points and all.

I think the fact that I have lost 4 nights of sleep and the bottle of wine last night may have contributed to my weight gain.

I will just get back on track and focus on eating right and drinking more (fluids in general) this next week. Something has got to work. I can't just stop losing altogether. It is easier to know that I had a gain and not have it actually written down in my little book. I think actually seeing the numbers and a big gain like that would really hurt my progress.

Onward and downward. And as a wise friend reminds me......The only easy day was yesterday!

CAN-DO-BE :-)

Some days I love being a teacher!

I have already mentioned that somewhere in the cosmos, someone is pissed at me and keeps giving me Satan spawn for a 6th period class. Well today I got even!!!

After kicking them out of my classroom and into the hallway at the start of class, I still could not get these "children" (better known as Satan spawn) to actually sit quietly and do their warm up. After a few warnings and giving out the learning choices that are on our school wide discipline plan and getting no better behavior, I decided to use another tactic.

First I have to say that I LOVE Cingular wireless. The roll over plan is the best thing in wireless phones. I have around 4000 minutes that have rolled over and I never worry about going over my minutes. I also never worry about using my cell phone to call a parent. If they get my number, who cares? I don't answer the phone if I don't know who is calling.

So back to the Satan Spawn....One of them would not get quiet. So fine, I pulled my trusty cell phone from my pocket and told him to give me a number. I stopped my class and called his mama. After hearing his mom yell at him and I think the shock that I actually called a parent on the second day of school, the rest of my students didn't make a sound. I got through my 6th period class with no problems. Now it is a matter of seeing how long I have to go before I have to call another mama to make a point in that class.

Also....one little victory for me as a teacher.....I made a kid cry on the second day of school!! YES!! Score one for the teacher! :-)

Conditional Love (WARNING: Raw emotion contained)

Tonight I got a call from my former stepmom. She was letting me know about a conversation with my dad. It is funny how things work out over time and the "truth" of a situation will come out.

My dad hasn't spoken to me since February 14th. He changed his number in April or May and never called me or my sister who is just four years younger than me to let us know what his new number was. I figured he was getting ready to break ties with me when I found out about this.

Anyway~ His phone call with my former stepmom was pretty vicious. He went on and on with her about wanting to take my youngest sister away from her and how she is an unfit mother. As if he is any better with his sexual fetishes that he doesn't hide from my younger sisters too well. He then tells my stepmom through his angry bashing at her that I am dead to him as far as he is concerned. DAMN IT!! The really fucked up part is, I have no idea why he is pissed at me or what I have done that makes him put me in the "dead" to him column.

I am so hurt and angry right now. I don't know how to put into words how I feel. The number of times I have taken slaps to the face because I stood up for him to my mother or to one of his wives and the number of times I defended him thinking he was a good man. I just don't get what makes a person so fucking defective that their parents don't love them or what makes a parent put conditions on the love they have for their child.

I look at my own child and how much she frustrates the hell out of me, but I NEVER decide if she is worthy of my love because she is ALWAYS worthy no matter how pissed I might get at her. She is my child and deserves all I can give her. How do some parents not fucking get that????

I just hurt right now. The wine I think is making the pain a little more raw, or at least allowing it all to burn a little more. Maybe one day he will decide I am worthy of his love, but by then the real question will be: is he going to be worthy of mine?

Back to school

I didn't think I could be this tired after the first day of school.

Once again I have the sixth period from hell. I am starting to think there must me some law I don't know about because every year my sixth period is AWFUL!! Loser freaks! I will make these kids into the type of class I want or I will run them through the discipline plan so fast they will be suspended before the first six weeks is up!

All in all my groups weren't bad though. However they are not the classes and kids I had last year. I miss my students from last year sooooo much. They are great kids, and I got many hugs today welcoming me back to school.

I was heart broken to find that one of my students spent two weeks in the hospital over the summer. I wish SOMEONE had told me during the summer when it happened so that I could visit him at the hospital. He fell of a moving car and had bleeding on his brain. Thank goodness he is healthy.

I look forward to getting to know more things about my new students as the year progresses.

Here is crossing my fingers to a GREAT year.

Dear Sir

To Whom it May Concern:

I am excited about the up coming school year and looking forward to working in this wonderful district. I know our district is striving for student success and raising test scores. I fully support the administration of this fine district and the teachers that are working hard to make them proud.

I have a concern I would like to voice. In six days of staff development, the teachers at my school were allowed two hours in their classrooms to get ready for the children on Monday. Our principals tell us there was just "too much to do" to give us the time in our rooms to be ready for the first day of school. Many of our staff members feel behind and unprepared to welcome our students on Monday. Our principals, in an effort to help ease our stress, have let us know that the building will be open on Saturday from 9-5 with air so we won't burn up while slaving in our classrooms to be ready. I do not know of any business that would expect their employees to show up on a Saturday to prepare for a Monday meeting and not be paid for it. However, that is what is happening in my building. We get no compensation for the time we have to give on a Saturday to get ready for the first day of school because someone (in our building or district wide) did not allow us the time during our contracted days, Monday-Friday from 8-4 to prepare for our students. My understanding has always been that teachers were to have a whole day in their classrooms to prep for the first day of school. I don't remember reading that day could be on the weekend and be unpaid. This is a bad example to set for new teachers in our building as well. Many were in tears throughout the week trying to figure out how to get everything done.

With this district moving towards Professional Learning Communities, I think it would be a good idea for our district administrators to put together a PLC for this problem and see if a solution can be found. If the teachers are burned out in the staff development week before the first day of school, they start the school year with a negative attitude, which will not facilitate student success. How will we be able to help our students move ahead, if your teachers feel behind from the first day?

Sincerely,
An Angry Teacher

It's a CF, sir.

UGH!!!

Ok, four days of training down and I feel I have learned nothing. The administrators have fried my brain making it impossible for me to actually teach anything of substance for the first week of school. NO wonder teachers always use the first week for "house keeping" items. We are drained from a week of mindless training.

Today's agenda did serve a few purposes for me.

I learned that I do not do well in front a group without a plan for speaking. I tend to ramble and not feel like I am focused in what I have to share with the group. I now know to make some kind of mini-outline like plan of things I need to talk about.

I also learned that some people just don't freaking listen. WHY IS IT HARD TO BE A PART OF A TEAM FOR SOME PEOPLE?!?!? My history department consists of 9 people with me as the head (I know it is scary, I am lucky the team supports me). Eight people have learned how to joke, get along with each other and how to even lesson plan without feeling like their head will explode from frustration (well one grade level could do this if not for the lone member). WHY can't the last person join in and get with the program?!?! Thank goodness my principal said the EXACT things I had ALREADY said myself to the team. Maybe this lone member will join the fold in time.

Even after all of my years of learning about how people act, I just can't figure this one out. Given that I already had a rather skewed view from the beginning doesn't help. I have tried to lay the past aside, unfortunately I am finding that what I thought originally is very close to the truth. I guess nothing can be perfect, so this issue with one "team" member not being a part of the team is the flaw in my little world. Hell, how bad can life be if that was the only flaw (too bad it isn't LOL)?

I also learned through my department meeting today that the teachers we have hired at my school come with some awesome ideas and I am refreshed to hear what they have to contribute. I feel fortunate to be with this group and for all the negative feelings I had last year with the changes in the school, I am positive this year is going to be good.

Lastly.....the reality of the school year looming ahead of me hit home tonight. So many of my students from last year were at the school tonight for different reasons. The hugs I got and seeing those smiling faces really got to me. I wonder how many years I will have to wait to come across a group of children like the ones I taught last year? Surely teachers aren't that blessed two years in a row. Even if I am not blessed with great kids like the ones last year, I know that my "adopted" children are not far away. I just hope the teachers a grade level up know how lucky I think they are.

Be a part of the team

I have mentioned that I am the department head for the history department in my school. A little background on my school: 1) We have replaced over 60 staff members in 14 months, 2) the principals demand a LOT from their staff, and 3) morale as a whole has sucked for the last year or so.

When I was made DH of history I decided that it would be good for the teachers in my department to feel good. Not only about the job we do but just about being at work. Nothing is worse than hating the place you have to go to for 8-12 hours a day. I have a plan to do little warm fuzzies to just make their days.

Anyway~ Birthdays.....they are important, at least to me. I think they should be week long celebrations. I got the birthday of each of my department members so we could acknowledge each other's birthdays. Monday was the first one (I was a complete loser and forgot to get something over the weekend). I picked up a card and a plant for the teacher yesterday and the goal was to have all of the people in the department sign the card. One teacher out of the whole group tells me she "doesn't celebrate birthdays" (What the fuck???, I was confused). I asked, yours or others? She says all and that she won't sign the card. I am just stunned by this. I didn't ask for money towards a present or anything like that, just thought it might be nice to have EVERYONE sign a damn card.

I don't really know where I am going with this, but it is one thing in a long line of things that I feel are going to be a problem with this member of my team. Just know that I needed to at least vent somewhere about this. All I am trying to do is help the morale for my little department and of course my hallway. With as little recognition as we get in our building you would think all the teachers would want to support one another and do a few little warm fuzzies for each other. Besides we are a team!!

And then my question is......Do I get her anything for her birthday? Deep down I feel like I should because that was my plan from the start, but then if she "doesn't celebrate birthdays" will I offend her if I do? Will it offend her if I get something for the rest of the department and ignore her birthday?

Lastly....why should I even care?

Do not anger the ghost

Background information first: I have been followed by a male ghost, presence, entity, whatever you would like to call it since I was about 12. I see him out of the corner of my eye and it has usually been beside my bed.

We have been watching Ghost Hunters on TV and talking to a good friend of ours that does that kind of thing. He was explaining things in the show to us and answering my goofy questions. I love learning about the paranormal. Anyway, I mention to him that I have been followed by a male presence and that I saw him about a month or so ago. This of course intrigues our friend and he asks for how long have I known about this presence. I told him since I was about 11 or 12. He wanted to know if it follows me from house to house and I said yes. It has always been with me. I figured he was following me. Then my friend asks if I own anything now that I had since I was the age that I first noticed him. Thinking hard, only one thing came to mind: My white box.

After talking more, my friend tells me that entities can attach themselves to objects and follow the objects. He found it interesting that the box was made by my great grandfather and given to me after he passed away. This box holds everything of real value to me. My daughter's first shoe is in it, my driver's test, my first license, report cards, pictures, you name it. All the things that describe parts of my life. It has been a long time since I added anything new to the box.

So the reason for this information: My husband believes that my ghost might be mad. We have had a lot of light bulbs blowing in the house in the last two weeks. Six according to my husband. He now blames our foster greyhound. It seems that our foster greyhound was caught chewing on the corner of the box. I find it funny that my husband, who has never thought me nuts about my "ghost", is blaming him for the bulbs blowing in the house.

Fake it until you make it

I don't know about other people and their jobs and responsibilities, but for me in my profession as a teacher I am scared of being discovered as a fraud. I am not quite sure when this fear started taking grip or at what point in my teaching career I started to question if I know enough, but it is there all the same. My job is to bestow great knowledge upon the youth of our country. Ok, I got that part, but what if I don't feel like I have enough knowledge. I tell my students my job is to corrupt young minds and torture them for eight hours a day. Funny thing is they love me all the more for it :-)

In the last couple of days I have started going to meetings and getting ready for the new school year. My contract days don't even start until Aug 8th, but as any other educator knows school starts at least two weeks before that. I was made department head of my history department this year. It should be an honor that someone wants me to be in charge, but with things being as they are in my school it is an honor and a curse. As I sat through meetings there was this little sound playing in the back of my mind, it was like a CD on repeat...."Fake it until you make it". I have believed this saying for years. I did this in my first few years of teaching until I understood special education and the laws surrounding it. Today I can still tell you information about IDEA and free and appropriate education for everyone (FAPE). I can argue with the best of them that all children have a right to an education and have a right to be educated in the public schools with everyone else. At present time, I am teaching regular education and at that History, a subject I hated and despised in school. I have been made department head with the responsibility of guiding and leading the department in a direction that will encourage student growth and success. Somewhere I keep thinking: "What the hell were they smokin' when they chose me for this job?" I am scared to death of being made to look like a fool because I am not as knowledgeable on a topic that someone else is. I am constantly reading and striving to learn more, but I never feel like I have learned enough of anything.

I know I am not a fraud. I am a highly qualified teacher who is certified in special education, ESL, and 1-8 all subjects. I have done this education thing for 10 years and my goal every year is to touch a child's life and help them to learn about the subject I teach and life in general. I just wish that knowing these things would help me to feel more secure that I am not going to be found unworthy. For the next 10 months, my life will be dedicated to my school and my students (also known as my 150 adopted children) and as for the department head position and other leadership roles I have been placed in, I am just going to fake it until I make it. At some point I will either shine through and feel like I know what I am doing, or fall flat on my face and have all my peers laughing at my failure (ok maybe they won't be laughing, but they will be happy it wasn't them). Either way, I will come out a stronger person and more capable of handling the things that come my way.

Keep my mouth shut

I don't know why I have a problem with that. I can't seem to sit quietly and not speak up when I know an easier or better way to do something and everytime I do it I get volunteered for more work.

Today I had a meeting with my district coordinator to go over the information I will share with my history team in my building next week. While going over the online curriculum planner and learning that we will have to use this planner to do our lesson plans I find a couple of problems.

1. Instead of using the pdf files that were given to use with the curriculum adoption a couple of years ago, our coordinator scanned every worksheet in the set. This causes the files to load extremely slow. So I mention to my coordinator about the cd-rom with all the pdf's of the worksheets. I then get asked if I would like to come in and load all of those onto the server and get them ready to link to the curriculum planner to make them easier to load. I will be paid for my time of course.

2. While playing with the planner, I found little short cuts and easier ways to do things. I am sharing this information with the teachers near me. Then one of the teachers mentions what I am doing to the coordinator and she puts me up in front of the group (by the way I hate talking in front of my peers) to show everyone the little short cuts and tricks that I am doing.

This was just the stuff I got myself into at this meeting by not just keeping quiet and going on about my merry way. I just have a hard time watching people struggle with things that can be so easy. It must be the teacher in me that forces me to not sit back and watch them struggle to get a concept down. I just wish I was paid for all the advice and help I provide all of the new and veteran teachers that help their jobs to be easier.