WHY is it that every day I am thinking of some way to screw with my neighbor’s security cameras? I think the fact that I know the cameras are there and that I am being recorded causes this little voice in my head to whisper that we should do something. More often than not this feeling strikes me when I am coming home from work and pull in. I don’t have a plan….some days I want to flash, flip off, throw things at, make faces at and many other stupid things when it comes to those security cameras.
WHY can’t I just do my job…..Lately I have been very burned out at work. I don’t want to go in. I feel like every day it is the same bullshit again. Today, I was informed that someone else completed a task of mine…UM NO YOU DID NOT. I followed protocol and sent the information to the right department to handle. The client just happens to call in today to CUSTOMER SERVICE AND you got the call because you are the MANAGER OF THAT FUCKING DEPARTMENT NOW. Why say I didn’t do my job, when CLEARLY in the notes you can see I did what I was supposed to do. Next, my job is to negotiate settlements for clients. NOT customer service, however I spend MOST of my day telling people how to respond to legal accounts or talking to law firms trying to keep the client out of the court house. When I am allowed to negotiate and JUST negotiate I do quite well. I am just at a point of WHY are we not doing the job we were hired for. When you have someone trying to work the jobs of 3 other departments PLUS their own job; it gets rather frustrating.
WHY do friendships have to change? I have a few friends that for whatever reason I feel the wind switching direction on our friendship. I think it has to do with me more than anything. I find I am feeling less and less trustworthy of people over time. I don’t know if it because I am getting to know them better or if with maturity I will have times of being cynical and pessimistic about people.
WHY can’t I fall head over heels in love like I did when I was younger? WHY is dating not the way I was told? I know my perception of love is colored by TV and movies and the craving for a soul mate, but WHY can’t it be like that? I don’t understand why we can’t meet someone, fall in love and be best friends until we die.
Peace out my peeps….I know all of this is random….sometimes random is all I have.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Open letter to ex-bff/frienemy
Dear ex-bff,
Since I refuse to have a heart felt conversation with you. I have decided I will fall back on an old school counseling technique. Only difference, this letter isn't being written on paper and I am not going to set it free by burning that. I believe getting it out Herr where others might find meaning in the lessons I have learner by letting a snake like you into my hen house.
Despite everything I believe my friendship with you really helped to open my eyes to some other snakes that have been around disguised as friends. So I guess there was a silver lining to being close with you.
First I want to thank you for helping get my foot in the door at work. Thank you for being there during my hard transition into living alone.
Now just the fact that you turned out to be such a damaged person that you would be deceptive with the people who you say you are closet makes me sad. You know you and I both had hard pasts, abuse in many ways. You cant even being to imagine he horrors I went -through in the last 4 years. Things I didn't feel the need to share with you. And looking back I am happy I didn't give you the darkest stuff. You don't deserve it.
I am sad watching you every day at work. Your happiness mask seems to have been broken and karma is catching up to your ass. I remember this woman who boasted how she was so independent and confident. You are a scared little girl who settled for a man who's life is quite together, you move in and in less than 3 mos you are engaged. Bitch you haven't even file the divorce papers for the marriage your currently in. Dude seriously you are damaged in a special kind of way.
I will say it has been sad watching karma catch up to you. Hardly anyone in that office speaks to you except for the guy your fucking who is an idiot and two employees from our former company. Now for the guy your engaged to fucking whatever....I.have decided you liked him enough to settle and you thought he might improve your image in the office. All it did was make you look like an idiot woman letting a man wit nothing move in with you and your three kids in less than six months and giving op the keys to your car and all. You just handed hour lil life over to someone you barely know. I want to tell you what a fucking dumbass you are however I don't care enough about you to say something.
As for the sad feeling, when I remember how you hurt me...makes it easier to watch karma beat the shit out of you.
Praying for you...
From the nicest person you could have tucked over.
Peace out my peeps....remember to watch your backs.
Since I refuse to have a heart felt conversation with you. I have decided I will fall back on an old school counseling technique. Only difference, this letter isn't being written on paper and I am not going to set it free by burning that. I believe getting it out Herr where others might find meaning in the lessons I have learner by letting a snake like you into my hen house.
Despite everything I believe my friendship with you really helped to open my eyes to some other snakes that have been around disguised as friends. So I guess there was a silver lining to being close with you.
First I want to thank you for helping get my foot in the door at work. Thank you for being there during my hard transition into living alone.
Now just the fact that you turned out to be such a damaged person that you would be deceptive with the people who you say you are closet makes me sad. You know you and I both had hard pasts, abuse in many ways. You cant even being to imagine he horrors I went -through in the last 4 years. Things I didn't feel the need to share with you. And looking back I am happy I didn't give you the darkest stuff. You don't deserve it.
I am sad watching you every day at work. Your happiness mask seems to have been broken and karma is catching up to your ass. I remember this woman who boasted how she was so independent and confident. You are a scared little girl who settled for a man who's life is quite together, you move in and in less than 3 mos you are engaged. Bitch you haven't even file the divorce papers for the marriage your currently in. Dude seriously you are damaged in a special kind of way.
I will say it has been sad watching karma catch up to you. Hardly anyone in that office speaks to you except for the guy your fucking who is an idiot and two employees from our former company. Now for the guy your engaged to fucking whatever....I.have decided you liked him enough to settle and you thought he might improve your image in the office. All it did was make you look like an idiot woman letting a man wit nothing move in with you and your three kids in less than six months and giving op the keys to your car and all. You just handed hour lil life over to someone you barely know. I want to tell you what a fucking dumbass you are however I don't care enough about you to say something.
As for the sad feeling, when I remember how you hurt me...makes it easier to watch karma beat the shit out of you.
Praying for you...
From the nicest person you could have tucked over.
Peace out my peeps....remember to watch your backs.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
2012
Wow...another year.
This last year has been amazing for me. I have done a lot of growing in the last year personally.
I have spent a year living in my own place. I have had the help and support of friends and family who have made it easier. I am proud to say I come home happy nearly everyday. I never thought I would enjoy the solitude of living alone but I think it has been the key factor in helping me grow so much.
I have gotten off all of my antidepressant medications and have maintained sanity without them :)!!! Again another amazing mountain climbed and I would say almost conquered.
This year I want to continue the positive motion in my life. I would like to take an art class and cooking class this year.
I want to work on some interests and hobbies this year. I need to get out of my home for more than work, probation, and counseling.
Another focus this year for me will be finding love. This is so year I want to meet quality men and hopefully stumble on a relationship. I read once to truly be on the market a woman should be going out on at least two dates a week. So that is the goal until maybe I meet a great guy and he becomes the one I see all the time :)
I have hope for 2012. I look forward to the blessings this year has to offer.
Peace out my peeps....and happy new year.
This last year has been amazing for me. I have done a lot of growing in the last year personally.
I have spent a year living in my own place. I have had the help and support of friends and family who have made it easier. I am proud to say I come home happy nearly everyday. I never thought I would enjoy the solitude of living alone but I think it has been the key factor in helping me grow so much.
I have gotten off all of my antidepressant medications and have maintained sanity without them :)!!! Again another amazing mountain climbed and I would say almost conquered.
This year I want to continue the positive motion in my life. I would like to take an art class and cooking class this year.
I want to work on some interests and hobbies this year. I need to get out of my home for more than work, probation, and counseling.
Another focus this year for me will be finding love. This is so year I want to meet quality men and hopefully stumble on a relationship. I read once to truly be on the market a woman should be going out on at least two dates a week. So that is the goal until maybe I meet a great guy and he becomes the one I see all the time :)
I have hope for 2012. I look forward to the blessings this year has to offer.
Peace out my peeps....and happy new year.
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