Holiday Memories

Hubby asked me something kind of funny today (it had to do with a segment we saw on the Today show on Friday morning), but his question was: "What is your favorite holiday memory?" I was sitting here tonight downloading some Christmas music and trying to find that little spark inside me somewhere that use to get excited and giddy about this time of year. I thought back on a few funny things that happened over the years and the thing I loved best about this time of year. You know it was the anticipation of everything about the season. My family always celebrated my birthday by putting the Christmas tree up on my birthday. That made it even more special to me. Not everyone gets to put of a beautiful tree with sparking lights and tinsel and ornaments on their birthday. That ended the year I was 13 and I was the only one in the livingroom putting up the tree. I had to call my guy friend who lived about a quarter of a mile from our house (I grew up in the country) and he came down to help me figure the damn thing out. I still have the yearbook somewhere that he told me the next time I put up a tree to read the directions LOL. Thank God he was so good about coming down the road to help me out.

I remember sneaking out of my bedroom at 1 or 2 in the morning to go through my stocking while everyone else slept. I was so careful about how I took things out of my stocking too. I made sure everything went back in the way I took it out. I couldn't have anyone finding out I had been into things in the middle of the night. That time in the middle of the night when there was no noise and I got to quietly sit in the light of the Christmas tree looking at the special things Santa had brought me were the best moments of the whole season for me.

I remember my great grandfather telling me that he had kidnapped Santa and was having reindeer stew for dinner when we were all together at my grandmother's house on Christmas eve. He always had this little sparkle in his eye when he would spin the tale of how he had trapped the man in the red suit. I remember great grandma telling him over and over not to upset the children. He would laugh and wink at me and I just knew it was how things were suppose to be.

I have many more memories tucked away and I think sometimes it is those memories that I miss so much. I think there was a time when my family made it look like we had this wonderful Norman Rockwellish type family. I miss that so much. At least I have the memories.

Turkey Day

Well I made it through Thanksgiving alive. That is saying a lot :-) I hosted a misfits Thanksgiving dinner at my house for the outcasts of the family. My dad's ex-wife who has no one here in Texas to celebrate with, all of my sisters who my dad has decided to disown all of us and my little family. There would have been a couple more, but some people are really smart and get the hell out of dodge for the holidays.

I made my first turkey ever! I am so proud of my bird. (David thank you for the recipe!!!) I didn't know you were suppose to put a turkey in a brine, but I have to say that I made the best tasting turkey I think my family has ever had. Most years it is dry and hard to get down but this one was moist and yummy!!

Look at my beautiful bird:



The night was wonderful. We visited and drank a couple of bottles of wine (I limited myself to one glass). When all was said and done, I think it was a success and I am happy I have these people to celebrate with.

On a more frustrating note:
Princess PITA told me she spoke with my father yesterday on the phone (she was at my stepmom's house) and he barely said two words to her. He called to speak to my sisters to find out what they wanted to Christmas. I guess he was a bit of a jerk (what's new?) and had my 16 year old sis in tears. I think on one hand I am happy to have broken ties with him, just wish I could quiet the nagging voice inside that misses the idea of family that I had for so many years.

Family

I am not one of those people that get excited about the holidays. I don't get warm fuzzy feelings and think back on wonderful holidays with family and friends. Over the years I have become more distant this time of year and would be happy to just avoid the whole mess. I have been dreading dealing with everything that comes with the holiday season. But yesterday I was reminded how lucky I am for some of the people in my life.

We traveled to my in law's house yesterday to celebrate Thanksgiving early. When I got there my MIL told me that she noticed on the calendar that things were going to get in the way of her and dad seeing me on my birthday, so she wanted me to open my present early. It was a gorgeous Brighton watch. She has turned me on to Brighton jewelry this last year and it was such a sweet thing for her to get me.

She made us a wonderful roast for lunch and we had a great visit. While talking at the table about weight loss and all I told her about having to take my rings off because they keeping falling off my fingers and I don't want to lose my wedding rings. She told me to follow her back to the bedroom because she wanted to show me something. She got a beautiful belt for Princess PITA for Christmas and wanted me to see it. Anyway, she asked me if I miss my rings and I told her that I panic sometimes when I feel for them and they aren't there. I really was worried I was going to lose one of them. So she goes into the bathroom and starts pulling out rings and telling me to try them on. One of them fit my ring finger and I was so surprised since it looked so tiny to me. She tells me it is her wedding ring that she can't wear anymore, it doesn't fit right. She tells me she wants me to keep it until I get my rings sized. I was so surprised. I tried to give it back but she wouldn't let me.

Her and I have come so far in the years that I have known her. She was worried about my intentions with her son since I was 17 and had a child when he met me. She told him I was a gold digger way back then and she didn't want him to get trapped. Being a mother myself I know that she was protecting her son. She has grown to love me over the years and is so wonderful to have that connection with her. I have heard so many people talk about how awful their MILs are, but I have a gem in my MIL. Even though they tell me they are the lucky ones to have me, I think I am the lucky one to have them. :-)

7th graders and Computers

Kids never fail to amaze me some days!

We have been in the computer lab today working on PowerPoint presentations on Revolutionary Texans. The students have done 3 days of research on these Texans and two sheets of planning to be prepared to come in the lab and type in their information. I set up a template for them in PowerPoint with all the information that the kids needed to put on each slide so that the kids wouldn't have to try to think to hard on figuring out how to add slides, and formatting them for their text.

Problems I have experience these problems so far in only 3 class periods:
1. When a kid hit the space bar his computer pushed his text to the other side of the screen. I have no idea how the hell he got it to do that, but he was frustrated because he couldn't get it to stop.
2. One girl couldn't get the period button to work. Instead ever time she hit it she got > and that is WITHOUT holding down the shift key.
3. One girl who all over number keys stopped working. I thought this one was simple, just make sure the number lock key was on. It was and still none of the numbers worked. We eventually had to reboot her whole system.

With so much advanced technology today, how is it possible that entire groups of kids do not know how to use a computer. It is very scary what is going to happen when these kids go to high school, college and even the real world and have no clue how to work a computer. I don't know about the rest of you but I think it would be hard to find a job these days that doesn't use a computer system in one way or another.

Sad times for our future indeed.

EJLW

EJLW- Even Jesus Loved Whores

I was taught this wonderful line last school year by a teacher that I think is an awesome person. It is a line I have thought of often and even hubby and I have been known to quote it to one another occasionally when out together and we see a woman....well I am sure you get the idea.

The reason I bring up EJLW is that even though Jesus loved whores he didn't say to make honest women out of them. Now I know this is going to sound rude and I am sure I am going to offend, but I have to get this off my chest. After chewing on this a few days, I just finally decided to get it out. Whore in my definition is not a woman who prostitutes herself, it is a woman who wrecks a marriage. I am not really sure where I got this idea, however, I am sure it had something to do with something one of my dad's wives said. And that is point in case....if my dad hadn't tried to make all of his whores honest women, he might never have gotten married.

I am having a really big problem with Prince Charles marrying his long time whore and parading her around for the whole world to see. And why in the hell did he cheat on Di with that mess of a woman, Camilla?? What kind of drugs was that man on to choose her over Di....not that it matters.

Here is what started all of this mess. I think it is the visit of royalty to the states and a few commercials on TV. Garth Brooks has started to be in a lot of commercials with the up coming Christmas holiday. I think they are all for Walmart, but that isn't really the point. I was sickened a few months back when I had heard he was engaged to Trisha Yearwood. I can't be the only person out there that didn't catch on to the fact that those two had to have had a major thing going on for a long time (and I would venture to guess while Brooks was married). And what did he go and do?? Asked his whore to marry him.

I just have a major issue with this. Weird thing is affairs have never been something that I thought would kill me and I am sure many people get into situations they hadn't planned on and make choices that are not for the benefit of everyone involved. Not that myself or hubby would "cheat", but if he felt he really needed to be with someone else...talk to me about it! We have the kind of relationship where I think we could and have talked about relationships with others over the years. But if some woman thinks she is going to be my husband's second wife because she was his whore during my marriage, she has another thing coming! If nothing else hubby knows that I have no problem with the other woman (and lucky woman that I am he wouldn't want another woman even if I said it was ok), just don't bring her home as if she can be part of the family or take my place.

You know, I am not even sure why I needed to say all of this and maybe later I might want to ponder on why this is bugging me so much. EJLW, but that doesn't mean you have to marry her.

The Rumor Mill

Working in a school can be a lot of fun. Rumors fly about some many things, some turn out right and some are just juicy enough that you don't care if they are true or not. I have worked in a school with a love triangle with two female teachers and a male coach. The coach was married, one teacher gay and the other teacher was the love interest of the other two. That made for very interesting conversation when I found out that mess. I have been in a school where some thing juicy is always going on. Last year it was two coaches going at it in the coaches office the night they were decorating for the 8th grade awards assembly. This year several people may have caught on to a couple of administrators that might be spending too much time together. As interesting and fun as this kind of gossip is, it is the rumors of who might be leaving that get my attention.

I believe I have mentioned that I have already lost one history teacher. He taught only one class, but somewhere inside I feel like I didn't do enough to help out and to help him make it in his first year of teaching at my school. I have had one of my favorite people in the building ask about breaking contract and I have had a few other people approach me about it as well. Today I hear that one of our elective teachers may not be at the school at the start of next semester. Hell he was hired in January of last year when the teacher he replaced said "fuck it" and retired mid-year. I also heard a juicy rumor that a coach may be re-assigned at Christmas. My first question is why and my second is where is he going? I have this gut feeling there are several others that are considering breaking contract and leaving at Christmas. Sad thing is I don't really know how many because I hide out myself in my classroom and stay out of as much trouble as possible. I can't wait for January staff development to see who made it back after break.

For now I will just hide out in my classroom, light off, headphones on and my door locked (Will have to lock it if I am going to have the headphones on thanks to being scared half to death this morning LOL). Just gotta lay low.....A week and a half to Thanksgiving, three weeks after that I get to spend two glorious weeks at home........I think I can :-)

Middle School Boys

Ok, I am limiting this to middle school boys because that is what I am around all the time. Yesterday while walking my class to lunch, I noticed that the main hallway smelled really bad. This is the part of the hall near our C locker area and there is a boys bathroom behind that locker area. The main hallway smelled like someone had dumped a bucket of urine in the hall. It nearly made me sick to my stomach. I had hoped it would be better this morning however it still is pretty foul smelling and I walk by holding my breath.

Anyway~ While talking to my husband about this issue; he tells me that the boys here at school have been known to go in there and spray one another. WTF?!? Ok, my first thought is WHY, but then I realize I am dealing with middle schoolers and there is never a good answer to why. While discussing this with my good friend he says he thinks they probably are standing back and seeing how far they can shoot it. He also lets me know that he needs to remind his own boys that they need to hit the water when they go. Ok, what am I missing here?? If men can go hunting and shoot a deer at crazy distances and be on target, why the hell can't they piss in the toilet and not miss. Also...are boys not disgusted by urine being all over the floor, walls, and hell anything else they hit?? It can't be just women that are sickened by this kind of behavior. Maybe if there was a target put in the toilet bowl it might make hitting the center a little easier.......

Nuttier than a fruitcake

Tonight I was watching an Extreme Makeover Home Edition that was on TiVo. It had to have been there for a while since the commercials were still advertising "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". It was a sweet show about a couple who run a camp for children with disabilities. (No, I made no slips of the tongue.) But it allowed me the chance to reflect on someone who impacted my life in a way that no one else really has.

In 1996 I had graduated from college with a degree in counseling and psychology. I couldn't find a job with my degree because I had to have a masters to be a counselor and not many jobs call for a BS in Counseling. I started subbing in my husband's school district in October of 1996, just some way to make some money while I tried to figure out what I was going to do with my life. My husband's school called me in December to take on a long term sub job as an aide in the LIFE classroom (LIFE stands for Living in a Functional Environment). My main job was to take care of one student who was wheelchair bound. He had cerebral-palsy. His speech was limited, as was his mobility. I was responsible for feeding him (not the easiest of tasks) and changing him. Little did I know how Ruben was going to change my life. I took the long term sub position and in January I was hired on full time since the aide before me was let go. It took some time, but I got to where I could understand Ruben and he even seemed to get my unique brand of humor. I would tell him he was nuttier than a fruitcake or call him a fruitloop. He took to calling me fruitcake. I never heard Ruben say my name, and I am not sure I would have ever wanted too. I was told over the semester that I worked with him that no one had seen him smile and be happy like he was in the time he was with me. In May I was told that my job was being "phased" out and there wouldn't be a position for me at the school for the next year. One of the assistant principals sat me down and told me what his thoughts were and based on how he had seen me work with Ruben, he felt that teaching was where I belonged.

Over the next couple of years I was given updates on Ruben. Many of them breaking my heart. When I was told he was in the hospital and not doing so well I prayed as I had never done before. I can still feel my heart breaking when I think back to the day that my husband came home from school and took me for a walk to let me know that Ruben had passed away. It is amazing sometimes how someone can touch your life. Ruben was the reason I got into teaching and he is the one I think about when I get really down on my job and if I think I am doing anyone any good. I hope that every teacher has a Ruben in their life that they can think back on to pull them through the rough spots and give them hope that in the end they are doing something important in a child's life.

I may not stick with teaching in the long run, and even though I think I would be better off back in a counseling position, I believe my place is with kids and helping them. I don't think I would have lasted 10 years in poverty if I didn't love what I was doing on some level.

Life Decisions

I have spent the last 10 years of my life devoted to education. I never chose this job, it almost chose me. My calling was always in helping teens and maybe even families in a counseling setting. I went to college and got a degree in counseling and psychology. I didn't know I was going to have to have a masters to get a job in counseling and if I had been smart I might have actually gone ahead then and gotten my masters with student loans.

I have been thinking lately that I need a change in my life. I don't feel like I am benefitting the kids or anyone else by staying where I am now. I love teaching Texas history and believe that no history is as fun to learn and teach as Texas history. I am no longer happy dealing with the politics of teaching. Kids can't fail and they can't make a 100 because no one is perfect. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I was just allowed to teach and do it creatively I would be able to get kids to love learning and that would do fine on a test because they would actually learn the information. Learning is no longer meaningful to children, it is just skill and drill. I honestly thought 10 years ago when I got into this that would be allowed to make things meaningful, but that is not possible when admin and the government breath down your neck to make children pass a test. I am not paid for even half the hours I work during a school year and quite frankly I am burnt out and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. I still have to make it to May.

With all of this floating around in my head, I have started thinking about what my original plan was for my life and where I wanted to go and where I hoped to be. I am not there and it is time to re-evaluate some things. I am going to look into going back to school to get my masters in Counseling. Student loans here I come.....hell, who knows I might be a lot happier not dealing with principals and getting a chance to actually help some kids and not have to always be yelling at them to get their work in.

Silently Screaming

Tonight is the first time I have had the chance to really sit down at my home computer, check yahoo mail, look at some forums, catch up on a few of my fave blogs and just all in all feel a tiny bit like a person and not a robot working 24/7 for the man.

Well it seems the other one has officially bit the dust. One of my history teachers turned in his two week notice and for reasons I can completely understand. Maybe our school is just not the right mix for him and his main job in the building (which is not to teacher history, but run our in building suspension room) would also drive me to near insanity. I hope he find something that will make him happy.

As I walked out of the building tonight, I left behind about 70 notebooks that needed to be graded, grades that needed to be typed into the computer, a desk that looks like a bomb has gone off on it and testing materials that needed to be organized and readied for tomorrow. Unfortunately, as I sat grading I found it hard to concentrate over the screaming. Funny thing is I know no one but myself could hear it because it was in my head. Just a loud at the top of your lungs frustrated at life dying to break out scream. About 30 minutes after I got home it had quieted a bit. I know that time with the gloves and bag would have helped sooooo much more, but hubby was worn out from doing laundry, playing poker and waiting on the cable guy today. Maybe tomorrow.

Another one bites the dust......maybe

You would think that a boss would have a light bulb go off in his or her head if people kept leaving their place of business. You would hope that the boss would start looking around and see if there are ways to improve the working environment or their handling of their employees to make them want to stay. I always fall under the idea that if people love you that will work that much harder for you.

It is so hard to be in a place where people don't want to work. No one should have to spend 8 hours a day at a place they hate just for a paycheck. Life really shouldn't be that way.

I have been asked a few times this week......What happens if I break contract? There isn't much a district can do but hold our certifications for a year or so. If you are getting out of teaching then it isn't a big deal, but if you want in another district that might be a problem. I honestly don't think there is much that can be done at all. I am starting to wonder how many people we will be losing at Christmas this year.

Not really sure where any of this is going, but I can tell you that I am not looking forward to training another group of teachers after Christmas break LOL