Well as anyone who probably reads here, knows I live in a rough part of town (but I still love it). But even this surprises me.
On Friday PITA went to the front of the complex to meet a friend. She was standing under a tree to be out of the sun looking for their car. The manager came out of the office and asked if she lived here, she said yes, and they told her she had to leave. When asked what the deal was, we found out the apartment managers felt PITA was soliciting cars on the corner. THEY CALLED MY KID A HOOKER!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!?!
I called down and bitched them out...only to have both women come to my apartment door...I think they were checking to see if PITA really lived here....but they apologized for the assumption and said that it wouldn't happen again. But it doesn't change the fact that they thought my kid was hooking on the corner.....gotta love living in the 'hood.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sigh...understanding Love
I do not claim to have any understanding of love anymore. Matter of the heart have me severely confused. I fell in love a couple of months ago to a man who on paper is perfect. Not to mention when we are together things are so easy for both of us and sharing the skeletons in our closet isn't so hard. He shocked me with a bit of honesty a couple of months ago and then literally fell off the face of the earth.
I was finally to the point that I didn't crave his company like a crackhead craves a fix and I get this random text apologizing to me. Then silence. About a week ago we spent over 5 hours texting and chatting online. Conversation for him and I is so natural and easy. Then silence.
Last night, he asked to see me. I thought it couldn't hurt, my addiction isn't that bad and I am handling things better and figured it would be no big deal. UGH!!!!!!!!!
As I sit here today I realize I am still in love with him. I also think he struggles with what he feels towards me since he shares so much with me. I have begun to wonder if his honesty with me wasn't a quick way for him to push me away because I was getting way too close to him. I do know that even though I can admit to being in love with him (and I feel as if I am betraying my ex more than with anything else I have ever done by falling for someone in a very real sense, not just lust or in the moment stuff) anyway...even though I can admit to loving him, I think I can keep my emotions in check and even play a little of the dating game. Who knows, this man might actually realize the connection we have and want to pursue more at some point, and who knows I might not even be ready if he does.
Peace out my peeps....hope you had a great weekend....hug your loved ones today.
I was finally to the point that I didn't crave his company like a crackhead craves a fix and I get this random text apologizing to me. Then silence. About a week ago we spent over 5 hours texting and chatting online. Conversation for him and I is so natural and easy. Then silence.
Last night, he asked to see me. I thought it couldn't hurt, my addiction isn't that bad and I am handling things better and figured it would be no big deal. UGH!!!!!!!!!
As I sit here today I realize I am still in love with him. I also think he struggles with what he feels towards me since he shares so much with me. I have begun to wonder if his honesty with me wasn't a quick way for him to push me away because I was getting way too close to him. I do know that even though I can admit to being in love with him (and I feel as if I am betraying my ex more than with anything else I have ever done by falling for someone in a very real sense, not just lust or in the moment stuff) anyway...even though I can admit to loving him, I think I can keep my emotions in check and even play a little of the dating game. Who knows, this man might actually realize the connection we have and want to pursue more at some point, and who knows I might not even be ready if he does.
Peace out my peeps....hope you had a great weekend....hug your loved ones today.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Life in the Ghetto
I have heard many people gasp and look shocked when they find out where I live. My apartment isn't in the best part of town. I am in Dallas, but just barely. Yet, for all the noise people make about where I am, I find it to be a very entertaining place to live. Even my new boss when he heard where I was said it was NOT the 'hood or the ghetto, I live in Beirut.
At any given time there are all kinds of activities going on in my complex...hell, they don't even feel the need to observe daylight savings so we are in our own time zone if you look at the clock on the complex sign.
Most of the illegal activity happens outside the front gates. However enough illegal activity goes on in my complex that Domino's will NOT deliver at all and Pizza Hut will deliver until 7pm. No one, not even the cable company wants to come into this hood after dark.
I have heard at least 3 incidents involving gunfire, one was really freaky as I sat on the balcony and smoked, one, very loud shot...I figured they got their man.
There are no less than 8-10 corner boys working the corner selling drugs in the evening...not so much in the heat of the summer day, but once the sun goes down it is on. They have even approached company of mine to see if they needed anything when they stopped at the gas station to get a drink before coming into the complex. Oh and what seems to be the drug most frequently sold on the corner...crack. That gives us lots of crackheads roaming around and cluckers willing to do anything for a couple of dollars to get a fix.
There are at least 3 known hooker who also work the corner...scary thing...one of them is a crackhead that was put in my cell back in April when I got arrested for the last of the possession charges...WTF?!? I didn't expect to see a cell mate in the real world...that was just crazy!
We have 3-5 regular homeless people (men and women) who work the intersection around the highway...I keep thinking I should get their names so I can say HI and greet them by name when I pull up to the stoplight...I mean....they are basically neighbors, right?? LOL
So....with all of this insanity (did I mention the trap selling drugs in my building??), there is something so simply beautiful in this place that I doubt many people pay attention to. I was here about a week and was on the patio and noticed on the buildings across the way that there was green parrot drinking water. Now that seems odd, but here is what people really don't know...there is a damn FLOCK of these birds!!! It is something I feel so privileged to get to see, a flock of 6-10 green parrots flying in a CITY!!
Peace out my peeps.....try to find the beauty in the things around you.
At any given time there are all kinds of activities going on in my complex...hell, they don't even feel the need to observe daylight savings so we are in our own time zone if you look at the clock on the complex sign.
Most of the illegal activity happens outside the front gates. However enough illegal activity goes on in my complex that Domino's will NOT deliver at all and Pizza Hut will deliver until 7pm. No one, not even the cable company wants to come into this hood after dark.
I have heard at least 3 incidents involving gunfire, one was really freaky as I sat on the balcony and smoked, one, very loud shot...I figured they got their man.
There are no less than 8-10 corner boys working the corner selling drugs in the evening...not so much in the heat of the summer day, but once the sun goes down it is on. They have even approached company of mine to see if they needed anything when they stopped at the gas station to get a drink before coming into the complex. Oh and what seems to be the drug most frequently sold on the corner...crack. That gives us lots of crackheads roaming around and cluckers willing to do anything for a couple of dollars to get a fix.
There are at least 3 known hooker who also work the corner...scary thing...one of them is a crackhead that was put in my cell back in April when I got arrested for the last of the possession charges...WTF?!? I didn't expect to see a cell mate in the real world...that was just crazy!
We have 3-5 regular homeless people (men and women) who work the intersection around the highway...I keep thinking I should get their names so I can say HI and greet them by name when I pull up to the stoplight...I mean....they are basically neighbors, right?? LOL
So....with all of this insanity (did I mention the trap selling drugs in my building??), there is something so simply beautiful in this place that I doubt many people pay attention to. I was here about a week and was on the patio and noticed on the buildings across the way that there was green parrot drinking water. Now that seems odd, but here is what people really don't know...there is a damn FLOCK of these birds!!! It is something I feel so privileged to get to see, a flock of 6-10 green parrots flying in a CITY!!
Peace out my peeps.....try to find the beauty in the things around you.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Random thoughts on a Sunday night
So I just dropped the kid off at work (PITA loves her job...that is a good thing) and on the way I had sent ex-hubs one of the plate texts. He understands...I guess it is still part of that secret language we had when we were together and one of the goofy things we did. Anyway...he simply asked if I was ok.
I don't know how to tell him that I have been screaming inside again and want so bad to curl up and cry somewhere. I know it does no good...so I thought what the hell, I will post.
So here is what occurred to me earlier today...I have almost no friends. I think it happened while I was married. You spend so much time with your spouse and making a family and never doing things for yourself that if that relationship breaks up you are alone. Now we had lots of friends from jobs and things like that, but the funny thing about that for me, they were our "couple" friends. I don't think any of them knew how to handle the deep pain I was going through last year and they gave me time and pulled away. Lucky for him, he is dating someone who knows most of those people so I am sure she was able to slide right into the vacant spot I left without a lot of trouble. (Bitter, maybe just a little when it comes to that)
How does a single person make friends? I want to be able to pick up the phone and say "Hey, the kid is gone, want to catch a movie? dinner? shop? come hang?" You get the idea. But how does one do that? Most men, their goal isn't always to be friends and women are so hard to get to know...they just aren't trusting.
ok...and there is another thing. So this guy that I liked....ALOT more than I realized...just up and disappeared for months. Then out of the blue, once I am finally getting to a point where I am not thinking about him as much (yet he still pops into my mind unexpectedly), he sends a text. That was typical for us...but it said I didn't deserve him just disappearing, he had more going on in his life than he let on. Ok...and that means what. So I responded and per usual fashion...no response back. I don't know if that was him apologizing just because or his way of apologizing for not exiting better. Hell I don't know. I just know dating SUCKS.
There really isn't anything to share here, just needed to type a few things out...
Peace out my peeps....hope you are all having a great weekend and an even better start to the work week.
I don't know how to tell him that I have been screaming inside again and want so bad to curl up and cry somewhere. I know it does no good...so I thought what the hell, I will post.
So here is what occurred to me earlier today...I have almost no friends. I think it happened while I was married. You spend so much time with your spouse and making a family and never doing things for yourself that if that relationship breaks up you are alone. Now we had lots of friends from jobs and things like that, but the funny thing about that for me, they were our "couple" friends. I don't think any of them knew how to handle the deep pain I was going through last year and they gave me time and pulled away. Lucky for him, he is dating someone who knows most of those people so I am sure she was able to slide right into the vacant spot I left without a lot of trouble. (Bitter, maybe just a little when it comes to that)
How does a single person make friends? I want to be able to pick up the phone and say "Hey, the kid is gone, want to catch a movie? dinner? shop? come hang?" You get the idea. But how does one do that? Most men, their goal isn't always to be friends and women are so hard to get to know...they just aren't trusting.
ok...and there is another thing. So this guy that I liked....ALOT more than I realized...just up and disappeared for months. Then out of the blue, once I am finally getting to a point where I am not thinking about him as much (yet he still pops into my mind unexpectedly), he sends a text. That was typical for us...but it said I didn't deserve him just disappearing, he had more going on in his life than he let on. Ok...and that means what. So I responded and per usual fashion...no response back. I don't know if that was him apologizing just because or his way of apologizing for not exiting better. Hell I don't know. I just know dating SUCKS.
There really isn't anything to share here, just needed to type a few things out...
Peace out my peeps....hope you are all having a great weekend and an even better start to the work week.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
New Job
Ok...tearing your life to pieces can be hell later LOL.
I don't know (nor do I care to go read and remind myself right now) how much I have put here since I spent long periods of time silent. But I lost my teaching career to a stupid mistake and now face some serious charges and legal matters. With that said, I needed to look for a job...I am highly qualified for a lot of things, just have to get someone to take a chance on me...
So I got offered a job with a marketing research firm in Dallas...the title of my job sounds important "Qualitative Assistant". What that means is glorified waitress with no tips. This firm runs research groups, mostly individual interviews with mostly doctors. What my job means is I set up the waiting room for the respondents with snacks and refreshments, I set up the lounge and viewing room for the clients, I also make sure the conference room is set up for whatever is being done that day with candy and water for the moderator. Then when the clients order food from the many expensive ass restaurants near us, it is my job to "plate" the food from their plastic containers onto pretty white plates and serve it to them in their lounge. I then have to clean all of that up for each meal. I also get to wash dishes in the kitchen, bake cookies, make fruit and veggie trays....blah, blah, blah.....
Wow...I have a college degree, 11 years work experience and I can't seem to find a job better than this??? I am fucked to say the least. I will keep sending out resumes to jobs online and who knows something may hit. In the mean time keep your fingers crossed for me....
Peace out...hope you all had a safe 4th!!
***For ex-hubs.....(highlight if you want to know) "I miss u and I am so sorry for everything. Thank you for still being there and being a friend. Who knows, one day we might get this crap straigtened out"
I don't know (nor do I care to go read and remind myself right now) how much I have put here since I spent long periods of time silent. But I lost my teaching career to a stupid mistake and now face some serious charges and legal matters. With that said, I needed to look for a job...I am highly qualified for a lot of things, just have to get someone to take a chance on me...
So I got offered a job with a marketing research firm in Dallas...the title of my job sounds important "Qualitative Assistant". What that means is glorified waitress with no tips. This firm runs research groups, mostly individual interviews with mostly doctors. What my job means is I set up the waiting room for the respondents with snacks and refreshments, I set up the lounge and viewing room for the clients, I also make sure the conference room is set up for whatever is being done that day with candy and water for the moderator. Then when the clients order food from the many expensive ass restaurants near us, it is my job to "plate" the food from their plastic containers onto pretty white plates and serve it to them in their lounge. I then have to clean all of that up for each meal. I also get to wash dishes in the kitchen, bake cookies, make fruit and veggie trays....blah, blah, blah.....
Wow...I have a college degree, 11 years work experience and I can't seem to find a job better than this??? I am fucked to say the least. I will keep sending out resumes to jobs online and who knows something may hit. In the mean time keep your fingers crossed for me....
Peace out...hope you all had a safe 4th!!
***For ex-hubs.....(highlight if you want to know) "I miss u and I am so sorry for everything. Thank you for still being there and being a friend. Who knows, one day we might get this crap straigtened out"
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