I do not claim to have any understanding of love anymore. Matter of the heart have me severely confused. I fell in love a couple of months ago to a man who on paper is perfect. Not to mention when we are together things are so easy for both of us and sharing the skeletons in our closet isn't so hard. He shocked me with a bit of honesty a couple of months ago and then literally fell off the face of the earth.
I was finally to the point that I didn't crave his company like a crackhead craves a fix and I get this random text apologizing to me. Then silence. About a week ago we spent over 5 hours texting and chatting online. Conversation for him and I is so natural and easy. Then silence.
Last night, he asked to see me. I thought it couldn't hurt, my addiction isn't that bad and I am handling things better and figured it would be no big deal. UGH!!!!!!!!!
As I sit here today I realize I am still in love with him. I also think he struggles with what he feels towards me since he shares so much with me. I have begun to wonder if his honesty with me wasn't a quick way for him to push me away because I was getting way too close to him. I do know that even though I can admit to being in love with him (and I feel as if I am betraying my ex more than with anything else I have ever done by falling for someone in a very real sense, not just lust or in the moment stuff) anyway...even though I can admit to loving him, I think I can keep my emotions in check and even play a little of the dating game. Who knows, this man might actually realize the connection we have and want to pursue more at some point, and who knows I might not even be ready if he does.
Peace out my peeps....hope you had a great weekend....hug your loved ones today.
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