Connecting....a human need....

Tonight I was watching the news. (I got "old" in the sense that I am a news addict now.)  The Byron Nelson was mentioned and I realized that it was natural to call ex-hubs when it occurred to me that it wasn't going to rain at the Nelson.  So I called him with this little thought, and of course he knows why....they moved the weekend of the Nelson.

So this got me to thinking about connections.  I call my ex-hubs with a lot of my stupid stuff or text him because I don't have to explain anything for him to get it.  The same thing with my best girlfriend, FunSized, and two of my sisters.  I have spent so much time talking to these people and years with them that they get me, I don't have to explain and they don't question me unless they know I am doing something stupid.  Now these people I mention, these are nothing more than friends, I love them all deeply, but they are friends.  Now I want to find a lover that can get me like these people do, who takes the time to get to know me like that and let me get to know them.

Examples, secret language...with EVERYONE I am close to, there are words or phrases that will get us laughing because there is an inside joke or meaning to it that only ya'll know.  See, I miss that stuff with the man in my life.  I want to be connected, deeply with someone.  I miss that so much.

Peace out my peeps...nurture the relationships that are important to you....if not you may find it fading away when you don't make the time to help it grow.

Mother's Day

‘Ole TG is at work, but my work phone is not working like it should. So I thought what the hell, I would get a blog together. I am not sure if I can post it while here, but I am writing it here LOL.

Mother’s Day is this weekend. I have avoided putting on FaceBook how I feel about this, but I need to get my feelings out somewhere.
In regards to my own mother, if you have read most of this blog, you will know that I do not have a good relationship with her. I don’t feel I have anyone I can honor in my life as a mother figure. With that in mind, I have that slight orphan feeling again.
In regards to me being a mom….given how PITA behaves, I doubt it will even be noticed. I mentioned it to her on Wednesday, which might get me a text or call. It hurts a lot to know I carried this child, loved her as mine and mine alone from the time I realized I was pregnant. I wasn’t perfect. I had her when I was nothing more than a baby myself, however I have been there for her the whole time. I am the one person who, even with all of the negative things she does, that stands behind her for support. I wonder many times if I should continue to do be the mom that loves unconditionally and puts up with the heartache she puts me through.
I really truly wish all those I know and love a Happy Mother’s Day!! Can someone tell me though, what about the people without moms or kids? What do those people do on Mother’s Day? I already bypassed Valentine’s Day and Easter this year.
Holidays are an issue for me since I am single. I look forward to a day when I have my own family again.

Peace out my peeps…..hope you have a great Friday and a wonderful Mother’s Day on Sunday!!!

A classic TG vent

For new readers....there are times when I have allowed a few things to eat at me and it is time for me to really just get out how I feel about them.  Now when I get to a venting stage, I can't really stick with one topic, because there are multiple topics bothering me.  Buckle up, these are usually fun :).

So PITA.....OMFG!!!!  Seriously, this will be the first time I have ever agreed with the many people in my life who have said this, but I agree PITA may be a sociopath.  Now I have looked this up in the past and dismissed certain traits because of her age, but I can't do that any longer.  So checked this out peeps, my 20 year old left a man who many of us (me more than any of the others) didn't really want in her life but could see he truly cared about her....she left this man to go back to a 40 year old cocaine dealer who beats the fucking shit out of her.  I have heard her telling the stories of bloody noses and bruises and injuries.  SHE WENT BACK TO THAT?!?!  And the man she left, he wants to create a home and a family with her and the baby she is pregnant with, he wants to take care of her....when I mentioned this to her last night she looked at me for a second like it might get to her and she then brushed it off.  I do not know what to do now that I accept the thought most people who know PITA think she is a sociopath.  Should I be scared of her?  I will say this, check this link PITA has every single quality on the list :(

Next.......hmmmmm....and I know he will read this....PS my new love, I do not care......McKinney.  We still have yet to figure out how to combine our schedules in a way that provides us with time to see each other.  I get very frustrated because my feelings start to grow very quickly for this man when I spend time with him.  I want to cuddle up next to him, but then don't know how he would feel about that, so I don't.  I kinda want to stay the night, but I am so afraid I won't sleep, and he will think I am a complete nerd.  He really doesn't know how spoiled I am with my own bed lol.  I sometimes don't know if he is really that in to me.  I feel like I am trying so hard on my side and getting no where.  And the funny thing is, as he is reading this, he is probably feeling the same way...but he won't tell me.  I want little texts letting me know he is thinking about me.  McKinney has NO IDEA how much will power it took to NOT text today.  I was frustrated, feeling hurt, angry about the situation with PITA.  Peeps...this is the cherry on the sundae, because of PITA being so damn flaky and not giving a damn about any one else's feelings, I didn't get to see McKinney this weekend.  If the trend keeps, that means the earliest I would see him would be Friday which would be TWO WEEKS!  Absolutely not fucking acceptable when two people are trying to build something more than a friends with benefits surface bullshit thing.  I am just saying!  So last night when I texted McKinney if I could come out after work today and never got a response, my feelings were hurt.  I didn't get to sleep 'til well after midnight last night because of PITA.  I had a long day at work.  But you know it would have been nice to look forward to seeing him, even with the weather and the traffic.

More than anything I could use a safe place to land.  I regret allowing my daughter's mess to once again mess with the flow of my life.  I know I am falling in love with McKinney.  These breaks have made it a slower process, but when I am with him I just feel good.  I miss him when I am away from him.  I am terrified of him thinking I am nuts if I really blew up his phone with the random things throughout the day I think of that I want to tell him, or just the times that I am sitting at my desk at work and I wonder if he is thinking of me like I am of him.  McKinney....if you read this.....I can't be anymore clear.  By they way...yes I feel much better.

Ok...peeps....the pressure has lifted.....Peace out my peeps....