Life is funny sometimes

So I meet this person online...pure chance, but his ad caught my attention and he claimed he wasn't looking for a relationship, just a friend.

Our birthdays are close together and based on his ad he sounded like someone I would really click with. I replied to his ad and we started talking. How much we have in common is insane. We have read the same series of books with the same favorite in the series. We like the same movies, foods, have this relationship with music, he is creative and a free spirit. We have conversations that have come down to one of us saying "me too" so many times.

We finally started talking about moving our relationship forward. And then he disappeared. I knew he was going through some stuff, I just didn't know how bad. Now that I do, I struggle even more with him being so distant. I understand it, but I know I can help. Damn it!!! He and I are so much alike that I get it. I know where he is, I about 95% sure I even know what would help soooooooo much. But what can a person do when the other person insists on being distant?

He is in this really dark place mentally and emotionally. I get that. I know what that place is like for me. Based on how much alike we are I am pretty sure I understand his place. My ex always tried to fix everything when I was in that place figuring that was what I needed to come out of it. Picture if you will a dark closet, you are all curled up in a nice blanket in the corn with door closed and you don't want to leave...you feel safe there while you are healing from whatever has put you there. You don't want someone to throw open the door and turn on the light and insist you get up shake it off and all with be fine (that is sort of what the ex did, and I love him to this day for trying) but that wasn't ever what I needed. I needed someone to quietly open the door, closed it behind them as they settled down on the floor with me and sat with me in that dark place while I healed a little. And just their presence is enough to speed up the process so much, because I would never want someone else to miss out on life for me. I wouldn't let someone else suffer for my depression.

I guess I will just try to stay in touch with him and let him know I am here to sit with him quietly in the dark :-) I just adore him as a friend and don't want to ever lose that.

Peace out my peeps...hug the people you love when you say goodbye and tell them you love them. You never know when it will be the last time.