This hurts so much

This is a pain unlike anything I have ever felt before. I seriously feel like I am being torn apart. Today was just a matter of getting through the day and not crying and I made it until now. The pain was so overwhelming that I had to finally sneak off to my room to be alone.

Everyone is telling me how this is for the best. PITA is mad that I can't be stronger. My sister thinks I should be stronger. Everyone tells me how I need to just make it through and there is only one person I want to talk to and they have no words for me.

There is nothing I wouldn't try to help make this pain stop. It is unbearable. How is it so easy for him? How can he just go through his day and everything be just fine. I get up and wish I didn't have to do this again.don't want to go through another day. My students are a great distraction. They keep my mind off the pain for a little while, but as soon as they are gone and PITA is in the car going on and on about whoever the newest guy is....I start hurting and there is this scream building that I don't know what to do with.

I eat and end up throwing up some portion of what I ate. How can he not know how much I love him and how much I wanted to make things right? Or I guess the better question...how can he just not care? Some part of me accepts this and there is this other part that keeps thinking maybe this is just punishment and when he thinks I have had enough he will want me back. I know how irrational that sounds since he told me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore or to be with me at all and doesn't want to reconcile, but there is still that small voice that thinks that.

I have been told each day I get up, breathe in and breathe out and all will start feeling better in time. I just don't know how that is possible. Some days it seems so dark.