Another tough one

After I got out my feelings on the blog, I just curled back up in bed and went to sleep. I didn't get up the rest of the day. Around six PITA came to me to find out what we were doing for dinner. I rolled out of bed long enough to take her to Toxic Hell and I got me a bite to eat too. I at least stayed up and watched a movie and a couple of tv shows.

Then it started to come over me. That darkness. I feels it in my gut and it spreads and everything seems like doom and gloom. I absolutely hate that feeling. I took it for as long as I could. Feeling it in every cell of my body. I came to bed, with every intention to do something to help relieve this ache and as I logged on to the computer, my cousin in Iraq happen to be on. He sent me a message and so far as we are talking now I am feeling the gloom back off a little. It is now just a lump sitting in my gut.

One good thing happened today though....tall guy messaged me from his concert to tell me he wished I was there rockin' out with him. I do to right now. I know that would have kept my mind off things.

Some days I wonder what good it would do to keep fighting for my marriage. But even for as much as I enjoyed my evening out on Thursday (which nearly made me change the blog for a short time to a brighter view of things) I still wish I had my husband next to me tonight. Holding me. Telling me he loves me. Letting me know that things would be ok in the morning. He always, even when I was losing it, helped to bring me back down and calm my system. I haven't figured out the best way to accomplish that calming feeling on my own yet. I will keep trying.

How is a person suppose to accept the end of their life as they know it? Not just the material stuff but the emotional as well. You spend all these years with someone and then they just aren't there anymore. I think it would be easier if one of us had died. That is final. But since he isn't dead, I keep thinking there is this chance that he and I can fix this. Not sure why I want to since he keeps telling me how much he doesn't want anything to do with me.

Peace out my peeps....I hope your Saturday was good and your Sunday is better. Find peace and calmness for yourselves.