Just random thoughts

I was thinking while in the shower...my favorite place to think......

Since I have woken up this morning I have wanted to text or call hubs. So far I haven't and I am going to try to make it a whole day without doing that. It is so hard because I want to talk to him. I miss him. But every phone call or even the texts have become hateful and mean. I get hurt more often than not and that is reason to not call.

But while I was in the shower I got to thinking....I need to break this need to talk to him for one. But then I thought, would he maybe make a deal. I know those of you that know me well are thinking here we go again. But I was thinking...if he would come home. Not only would I break contact with many of my male friends (there are about 3 I need to keep) but I would also give hubs all access to everything in my life so he would know I am being honest. All email accounts and everything. I want him to check my phone records and read my texts to make sure I am being honest with him so he would know that I am not doing anything I shouldn't be. I want to build that trust back up.

I even thought for a second....since he is hurt by the fact that people here know about my affairs is to just pack up, sell the house and move somewhere else. Get new teaching jobs and start all over with our lives. A fresh start. A completely new beginning. I am willing to uproot my whole life to put things back on track with my husband. Leave everything I know and love to make my marriage work.

I wonder if that would be enough for him?