Why?

This weekend has been so fucked up. Hubs has emailed me, sent me a text or called every freaking day. Yesterday he sent me a text to find out if he was invited to my nephew's birthday party. I called my sister to see how she felt about it and she told me that if it wouldn't make me uncomfortable that it was ok. So I told him ok. Then he wants to know...do I need to bring anything and all the details. I told him a gift. He asked if I had one. I told him I would and put his name on it so he wouldn't have to worry about. Then about one in the morning we were texting and he was telling me he hasn't gotten a lot of sleep and I asked why and he tells me why and I tell him that he should take something and he says he doesn't do that and then I told him to come home I had a place for him to sleep. He then tells me that I know he can't come home. I ask why. Never really got a good answer on that. I mean seriously. WHY!?! Just come home and work on stuff with me.

SO today he comes to the birthday party and that was all fucked up. He asks for a hug and then says maybe five sentences to me. He didn't talk to anyone else or anything. When he left I was just about ready to go as well. He sent me a text to let me know he was going to the house. I told him cool, that PITA and I were going to stop by. I just wanted to talk to him. That didn't go well. I was reminded again of all of my faults and the fact that I won't stop talking to the man who I had my most recent affair with is the reason he won't come home. I reminded him that he told me the sex had to stop but that the friendship wouldn't be an issue. And guess what...now the friendship is an issue. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I love him and want him home, but I don't want to be something he feels he owns. I can't live like that. It would kill me in the long run. He can't handle me having anyone, male or female, platonic or not, in my life. Hell he has even shown jealousy of PITA. That is NOT NORMAL! And when I ask him to make an appointment for us to go see a counselor he won't. When I ask him to sit and talk to me, he won't. I have asked him to get to know me again and he has told me that based on the little bit that he has seen so far he doesn't want to know the rest. How does a man tell his partner of 15 years something like that?

Why won't he even try to work on this marriage?