PITA - you know I understand she is influenced/brain washed, whatever, but my OWN FUCKING daughter didn't say even fuck you to me on my birthday. I have never done anything to that child to earn what I get back from her. I loved her and sacrificed for her. Yet it is as if none of that ever happened. I apparently was just the vessel by which her greatness emerged. I am hurt, but then honestly I don't think I expected different deep down. I just always keep this tiny candle of hope burning that she will wake up and just have her show me she cares about me a little bit.
PITA2 - feel even more pissed about her than I do with PITA.
MCKINNEY - Had high hopes that the 3rd time would be a charm. He took me to lunch we had great conversation, I enjoyed my time with him. Then texts and nothing else. I understand why he thinks I am side stepping his advances and it is simply because I don't know what to make of his courting technique.
I want to date someone in a traditional kind of way. I want this ONE thing in my life to be traditional. That may seem so unlike me, but I am a little old fashioned about falling in love and dating. I deserve that in my life. No one takes the time anymore or goes out of their way to show that another person means something to them. Honestly a text telling me you want me sexually doesn't ring my bell. But maybe a song that made you think of me. It's like men can't see me for anything but sex. I would rather be single that just someone's bedroom toy that is put on the shelf except at night when he wants to play. I want a partner and a best friend. I want a man who wants to sit and play board games with me late one night and talk to me about his childhood and growing up....but see I am not the aggressor. I can tell a man what I want but if he doesn't take the reigns he will miss his chance with me, as is happening with the few men I have tried to date.
WORK - Thank you for letting me out of my cell today at thee but pay me for my full 8 hours. BUT this shit with my paycheck is pissing me off. I swear it really has messed with me this week. Anyway, there is more I just don't care enough to bitch about it. I do my job, they are happy...'nough said.
CHRISTINE - I love you. Happy Birthday. I believe you are watching over me in your own way and I appreciate the blessings that come with that. I hope you are at peace. The girls are so beautiful and doing so well. I think about you often. Even more this time of year because you worked so hard to make Christmas nearly perfect and I thank you for that.
Ok, enough of my rant. Now on to what I really wanted to write about, but that gets its own post.
